Archives for posts with tag: communication

I love love love answering questions. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I’ve been to many events where I’ve put out a donations box with an “Ask the Trainer” sign and reveled in the challenge of coming up with a helpful answer to every question. 

When I am with a client or in a class/seminar, I will answer the same question over and over again without hesitation, knowing it can take many repetitions to get the message across and the answer to stick. 

The questions serve many purposes: They not only allow me to share the most up-to-date information available, but also they give me important insights into what comprises the POGs’ database of information, how motivated they are to work, what is lacking, what is causing the problem. 

Among these many questions are productive, insightful ones which make me glow with happiness. But there is one question that I am almost guaranteed to hear at the beginning of any POG contact; unfortunately, is also the one I have determined is the most destructive, the most counterproductive, and the biggest obstacle to fixing any problem I’ve been summoned to handle.

It is this: What do I do when Sparky does [bad thing]?

The “bad thing” can be anything from doesn’t come to pulls on walks to jumps to growls to bites. It really doesn’t matter what the Thing Dog Does You Don’t Want Dog to Do is. The problem is the question itself. The problem is that the POG is asking it at all.

Asking that question tells me that the POG is:

 – being reactive instead of proactive, meaning s/he is not preventing the “bad” behavior from happening so it can be forgotten and replaced.

 – allowing the “bad” behavior to continue, meaning the dog is practicing and reinforcing that behavior over and over.

 – focused on the wrong thing: correcting the “bad” behavior instead of creating the “good” behavior.

 – sees the unacceptable behavior as something “bad” that needs to be “corrected” instead of a habit that needs to be replaced. (Dogs don’t have a right/wrong value system, so it is an exercise in futility to try to teach them right from wrong.)

When I hear that question, I know that the technique and timing of the loving, caring POG’s actions are so far off that the result is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what s/he is trying to accomplish. To wit: The POG is making the situation worse instead of better. 

How can that be? Here’s a typical scenario:

The question: What should I do when Sparky jumps?

 – Usual scenario: Once dog has jumped, POG reacts in one of many ways — from saying No/Off/Down/Sit, pushing the dog down, holding the dog down or some less-kind ways I won’t go into here. The dog is talked to, touched, petted, etc. all of which are ways of reinforcing behavior. 

All these great things happen AFTER the jump has occurred. Dog is satisfied with the result of the jump and learns that every time he wants attention like that, a jump is exactly the way to get it. 

Meanwhile, POG thinks that the problem has been successfully handled because the jumping has stopped. 

The truth is the following pattern has been taught: Jump => Get Attention. POG has not corrected anything, the jumping will recur. POG reaction will get more intense, further reinforcing the behavior. 

Here’s another typical scenario:

The question: What should I do when Sparky pulls on the leash?

 – Usual scenario: Once dog is pulling, POG reacts in one many ways — from saying No, jerking the dog back, telling dog to sit, winding the leash up until the dog is beside POG in a tight-leash death grip, speeding up to let dog get some energy out/do her business/enjoy her walk and hoping for a slowdown later. The dog is talked to, touched, petted, treated, etc. and also gets to keep walking, all of which are ways of reinforcing behavior.

All these things happen AFTER the dog has pulled. Dog is satisfied with the results of pulling and learns that whenever he wants to get to something and/or get attention, all he has to do is pull.

Meanwhile, POG thinks s/he has successfully communicated with the dog because eventually, from tiredness, satiation or pure luck, the dog walks on a loose leash for awhile.

The truth is the following pattern has been taught: Pull => Get Where I Want to Go. POG has not corrected anything, the pulling will recur. POG reaction will get more intense, further reinforcing the behavior. 

See a pattern? Good! Want to create a different one that will actually address the problem behavior? 

The better question

There is a similar but much much better question to ask that puts POGs in proactive/teaching mode instead of reactive/corrective mode. 

It is: What’s the best way to deal with a dog that does X?

Now we’re talking! And here’s the simple answer: 

  1. Prevent the behavior you don’t like.
  2. Teach a new behavior you do like using fun and motivating rewards like food.
  3. Ask for and reward the new behavior in the situation the old behavior usually happens in.
  4. Repeat, repeat, repeat!!

And if the old behavior does happen (which it will because no one is perfect)? Then interrupt quietly (that means no talking), slowly, with as little energy as possible. Wait for a calm down/different choice from your dog. Pile on the rewards for that. Over time, your dog will make the practical choice to doing the new rewarding behavior instead of the old behavior that no longer delivers for him.

And you will never have to ask the Worst Question Ever again!

Need more? See my books Reverse Dog Training: A Fresh Perspective for Solving Common Problems and I’ve Never Had a Dog like This! How Modern Society Has Impacted Our Best Friend and What We Can Do About It. 

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She’s in the trash. He’s jumping higher than your head. She snaps when you reach for the shoe she took. He pulls like a freight train on leash. She pees on your bed. He tears up your couch.

“No!” you thunder. “Bad dog!” To no effect. Doesn’t make a dent in the behavior.

“Good grief,” you wail, “Why is my dog so bad?”

Welp, if you are saying that, that’s where the problem lies. Not with your dog, but with your thinking that what s/he is doing is considered “bad behavior” BY HIM/HER.

Because here’s the thing: In the dog’s world, there is no bad behavior. There’s also no good behavior.

Whaaaa?

You may want to sit down.

Here is a science-based dog statement: Research indicates dogs don’t possess a good/bad value system. It is simply not the way they operate.

Let me repeat: Dogs DO NOT work using a good/bad value system.

The way they DO operate is through a results-based system: If what they do gets them something they want, they will do it again. Period. Full stop. No more complicated than that.

So for example, getting into trash nets yummy stuff. Jumping snags lots of attention (yelling etc. is attention just like saying GOOD DOG). Snapping when you reach for the shoe gets you to leave her alone with her treasure. Pulling on the leash gets him where he wants to go. Peeing on your bed mixes scents, and of course gives her relief. Tearing up a couch is fun! And also can relieve anxiety and boredom.

See? Every single one of those can be explained without the word “bad” if you use the dog lens to examine it.

But but the ‘guilty look’

Hold it, you say. Then what’s the guilty look about? Ah yes, most people assume that hang-dog expression dogs display when “caught” proves they feel “bad” about what they did.

You know what happens when you assume, right?

Dogs don’t do guilt (guilt comes from knowing the difference between good and bad; dogs don’t get “bad,” so they also don’t get guilt). The guilty look isn’t a guilty look. It’s a “I don’t want to fight with you” expression of appeasement. Your dog is showing anxiety/fear when you see that look.

Longer explanation from my book, Reverse Dog Training: A Fresh Perspective for Solving Common Problems:

Common belief: I can tell my dog knows what he’s doing is “wrong” because he looks “guilty,” even before I say or do anything.

Reverse reality: Since dogs have no sense of “right” or “wrong,” they certainly can’t experience guilt over doing something they shouldn’t. What your dog does “know” is he should repeat behaviors that work for him (e.g. tearing up pillows is fun and relieves stress!). He also knows you are mad when you come in with your mad face and talk in your mad voice (“What did you do?!”), so he offers appeasement gestures (the “guilty” look) to you in hopes you will calm down and stop being so threatening.

POGs will often assume they dog “knows” because he will often slink away the moment you come in, before you even discover the indiscretion. That “pre-reaction” does not come from realizing he’s committed a crime; rather, it comes from learning. Dogs know only the present, not the past or future, but they can learn. That process goes something like this: “Every time Mom comes home and there is a torn pillow on the floor, she is mad and bad things happen to me, so I better do my best to calm her down/get out of here till she calms down.”

Unfortunately, the dog cannot make the connection that if he hadn’t destroyed the pillow in the first place, the bad things wouldn’t happen.

Helpful side note: When your dog looks “guilty,” he could actually be scared. NEVER correct a dog when he is scared.

—————

Do you feel guilty now? Good.

That’s the first step toward changing your thinking so you can better understand and communicate with your dog. When you acknowledge your dog needs information she doesn’t have, and that you must provide in a way she can process and use it properly, you change from “owner/master” into thoughtful, supportive partner.

Next step: Realize that the best way to get a “good” dog is to 1) Prevent the “bad” so it isn’t practiced/reinforced; 2) Teach and reward heavily the “good” so dog wants to repeat it; 3) Repeat 1 & 2 over and over and over and over… until you suddenly realize your dog is doing the “good” without you telling her too; 4) Keep rewarding often so there is no backsliding by you or your dog!

Go guilt-free yourself (your dog is already there!) by taking the time to learn about rewards-based, kind teaching methods. Head to my Resources page [http://www.trainedwithkindness.com/cphipdogs/resources/ ] to find out how much is out there!

I have one of the best jobs in the world — helping dogs and POGs (parent/owner/guardians) better understand each other. I love it when I hear a POG say this: “That makes so much sense.” It validates everything I do.

What often follows is “Why didn’t I think of that myself?”

My flippant answer, meant to illicit a laugh, is “I don’t know, but I’m glad you didn’t because it’s how I make my living.”

But there is another, deeper answer to that question, and it is this:

“You have been indoctrinated to think a certain way about dogs, and most of that information that you were given is wrong. No one told you that, so you have been trying to communicate in a completely ineffective way. It becomes frustrating for you, and certainly it is frustrating to the dog as well.

“When you don’t communicate, you misinterpret, and react in inappropriate and sometimes harmful ways. At its best, you can get things done with a struggle; at its worst, there is a total breakdown and someone gets damaged, perhaps irrevocably.

“It’s so sad, and so preventable. Now that you know, from this moment forward, please join me in my mission to fix the communication problem. Tell everyone you can that there is no need to fight for dominance with your dog. What you need to fight for is the proper translation. Cooperation. Partnership. Mutual respect. And FUN!!!”

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